Coming Out As Gay: Please Don’t Cut!

 

lgbt-education-suicide-prevention

Researchers have found that attempted suicide rates and suicidal thoughts among lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and curious youth is comparatively higher than among the general population.

Queer teens and young adults have one of the highest rates of suicide attempts. This is because of society’s unaccepting behaviour of same-sex issues.

Let me shed some light on my experience as a gay boy: Growing up as a child, my homosexuality was my biggest enemy- or so I thought. I hated homosexuality, because in my young and uneducated mind, homosexuality was something disgusting. An abominable kind of witchcraft. Every time my eyes would dwell (mostly around the crotch of one hot guy or another), I would hate myself.

I couldn’t stand gay people (mind you I used to say very mean things about them and bully the dicks out of them!). I developed a sense of self-hate. It was deep. Too deep to be put in writing. My class mates identified me as gay, but I was in denial and the more they made me aware of my sexuality, I hated myself. I questioned why God did this to me, (I was a very religious person back then).

During my second year i n High School, I started talking to gay men (now I realised that this is who I am and why not enjoy it) and we talked about nasty stuff 😛 . I came out to one female friend, who would tease me in private about my sexuality but defend me in public. Then *BOOM!!!* my dad uncovered my secret on my phone and through many sessions of denial, I confessed: Yes, I am gay. I like men. [Topic for another blog post]

At one point, my mom, being a very religious person, told me to “not bring such acts of the devil into her house”, and “It is just a phase” and “you must go to church everyday” and “stop staying with girls or I will kill you” and and and and …

During that period I became suicidal: I thought; “Okay, If you cannot accept me for who I am, then it is better that you don’t have me” (I think I even wrote a suicide note :-/ )

That thought above is bad. Suicide is not the answer. Whatever you are going through right now, shall pass. Don’t give in to negative thoughts. Your life is worth a try.

I, too, had many suicidal thoughts after coming out. Then I thought of what will happen in a few years time and what my life would be like. My strong will to survive kept me alive. Don’t be a weakling. Let your strong will concur! Give yourself a chance to experience and overcome pain. Life is worth living.

At one point, my mother told me “I do not have issues with your gayness, but as long as you are in my house, you keep yourself in check and do away with those ‘feelings’. Think of your younger siblings? Think of our community members. Do you want to shame us? You can proudly wear your female clothing once you are out of this house,”

I went into another depression session and thought I was a big bag of shame, that, if it will fall will stain everything I love and care about. Suicidal thoughts came. I fought them.

Today, my mother and I have a very lovely relationship. Actually, we became closer in my two final years in high school. We openly speak about anything!

I am not saying everyone will have it easy, but what ever the circumstance, it will get better. Be the stronger person and fight your battles, just like Selina Gomez said “Kill them with kindness” 🙂

Suicide is never the answer. Don’t do it!

I recommend you to listen to “It Gets Better” by Todrick Hall, watch it here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IfQJ_V9K3EM

I am available for talking and advising on suicide to any queer folk that is currently faced with this issue, I am not a professional, but I have been there. I can help. Email me at: matthyszuleit@gmail.com

lgbt-education-suicide-prevention

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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